TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
