yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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