If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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