BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
