he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
