I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I love you. Go after that dick
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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