I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
