oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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