can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
