she woke up with a sticky ear
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
