I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
