Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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