It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
