I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
