My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
My breasts were aching with rage.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
