If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
