a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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