you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Randomize
