Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
