How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
