I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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