You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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