4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize