i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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