I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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