You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
