What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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