You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
