he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
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She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
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He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
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