he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
