He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
