somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
