Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
MIDGETS
????
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
