Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I just found a bag of teeth...
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
