Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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