you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Let's get the cat blown out
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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