I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
