The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
