eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I currently don't understand fingers.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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