I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Randomize
