I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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