the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
His hands were made for my vagina.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
