Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Quick, to the slutcave!
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Randomize
