I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
