i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
if i died would you start the facebook group?
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
