so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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