Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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