We tried having a conversation with our noses.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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