u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
My vagina is officially offended.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
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