Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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