i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
My liver just had a heart attack.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
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