It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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