if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
