If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Randomize
