dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
