There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Randomize
