Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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