i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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