**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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