You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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