So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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