I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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