The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
