PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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