Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
