i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
